Parenting is beset with challenges for a couple in a nuclear family in a metro. There are many new-age parents who fight against all odds to improve the quality of their lives.
Parenting amidst other factors like stress in the office, driving in the mad city traffic is a task that needs attention 24 x 7. There are essentially three kinds of parenting that one witnesses in the metros. The first are those parents who are able to manage well with both couples working. These parents ensure that they spend quality time with their children. The second category of parents are those who place material benefits above parenting and sacrifice (unknowingly though) the pleasures of parenthood at the altar of materialism.
The third of category of parents are those in which one of the parents decides to play a passive role as far as career goes and prefers to quit the job altogether or is game to look at part time employment. So, parenting in the metros has really evolved today.
There is Hope
So many couples in the metros are willing to push the envelope when it comes to parenting. ‘All the running around that we do is to ensure a secure future of my daughter,” says Namrata Madhok who is an IT professional. Her husband Arjun echoes her sentiment. “Yes, I have a travelling job as I am in sales. But we have an excellent nanny at home. We pay her well and keep her happy and also ensure that things are smooth. Howsoever busy my schedule; I make it a point to be with my daughter Swara (14 months) when the need arises. Today, corporates are offering benefits like flexi time; working from home etc. This helps the working couples when the situation demands it. Thus, despite a hectic work schedule, we enjoy parenting.”
There are some mothers who have their priorities clearly chalked out. Jaya Nambiar, mother of 2-year old Kaushik, is clear that she will quit her regular job once her son is admitted to a primary school.” There are so many work-from-home opportunities available today, so I don’t see a problem. My husband has left that choice to me” she
says gratefully.
Two years ago, Samhita Chandra quit her job as Media co-ordinator after her daughter Surabhi was born. “I have absolutely no regrets as I enjoy every moment with my daughter. I am already 32 now, so maybe I will take up free lance research or writing or even learn a foreign language in the future. But as of now, I am cherishing every moment of motherhood” proudly beams the mother.
Ashwin – the Moppet
Two year old Ashwin smiles sheepishly at the residents of a building near Adugodi (Whitefield). Santhamma, his care taker is feeding him. Food is smeared all over Ashwin’s mouth. It is 9.30 am in the morning. Soon, Santhamma would dress the boy and the driver Santosh would drop him at the play school. After coming back from the playschool, Santhamma would arrange the lunch for him. Santhamma, Ashwin, Santosh and his wife Chanda all will have lunch together. Until 4 pm, when Ashiwn’s mother Sunayana comes back home, this is Ashwin’s world. After Sunayana returns home, she changes and enquires with the nursemaid and the cook if all is well and fires instructions at Chanda to
make elaborate arrangements for the dinner. Too tired, she slumps into the bed.
After his afternoon siesta, Ashwin carries a small bag with him that contains a ball, a biscuit packet and a bottle of milk and accompanied by Santosh, visits the garden. Leaving home at 4.30 pm, he returns home at 530 pm. Santhamma, dresses him up for the evening. Santhamma leaves at 630 pm. From 630 pm to 830 pm, Santosh takes care of Ashwin. Dinner is served at 930 pm when Avinash, a busy software professional reaches home.
Avinash is working as Sr VP- business development and marketing at one of the top-notch IT firms in Bangalore. Married to Sunayana three years ago, Ashwin was born to them 2 years ago. Sunayana is an architect who does free lance consultation work.
What is so unusual about this you ask? Avinash is the owner of 7 properties in and around Whitefield besides a few commercial properties near Adugodi. His monthly rental income is staggering Rs 5 lacs. This is over and above his huge pay packet at the IT firm. Sunayana
pockets around Rs 2 lacs per month.
The consternation here is – how is Ashwin’s childhood like? The boy seems to be spending an enormous amount of time with the servants than his parents. On Saturday and Sunday, Avinash and Sunayana are so tired that they feel the need to rejuvenate. So, they take off
to Country Club or some weekend getaway.
Ashwin is safely ensconced at home, taken care of by Santhamma, Santosh and Chanda.
Why this running around? When Avinash is financially sound, then what is the need for Sunayana to work so hard that she finds it so difficult to spend time with Ashwin? There is a fixed rental income every month. Then there is Avinash’s fat pay packet. Then what is
Sunayana running behind?
Simple Living, High Thinking
Digressing a bit, I recall reading the interview of Mrs Sudha Murthy (wife of Infosys founder Mr Narayanamurthy), years ago. In the interview, she had explained the
circumstances under which she decided to quit her job to support her husband
and look after the children. What is worth noting is here that the lady quit her job, no doubt, but she began looking at options like part time teaching and writing. She even mentioned that, for her, writing is akin to breathing! Today her books and columns are popular and one of her books “Dollar Bahu” has been made into a TV serial.
To her credit, the lady has ensured that her children are not suaved by the trappings of money and fame. The Murthys are excellent parents who have remained down-to-earth despite their resounding success with Infosys.
Time and Tide wait for no Man!
Before we know and have realised this, children grow up and then nothing can substitute for the time lost. We have all read messages on the Net that said that God created Mother because he can’t be everywhere. But are all mothers enjoying their motherhood? Or is the stress of modern living taking its toll? It is worthwhile to stop and think to rework the priorities.
Parenting is an art. The emotion has to come from within! Parents can attend hundreds of workshops on parenting but at the end of the day, what matters is the quantum of time that they are able to spend time with their children and the quality of conversations that they have with the kids.
Walk, Walk & Walk!
As soon as she saw the medical reports of her husband, Hema Raman was thrilled. His cholesterol levels had reduced, the blood pressure was under control and her fears about her husband contracting diabetes, she realised, were unfounded. Raman had decided to stop using Honda Activa for some time and instead chose to walk along with his children to the school located at a 5-minute drive from home and a 20-minute walk from home.
Hema elaborates. “My husband is an investment advisor and has odd working hours. Sometimes he has to meet clients in the late evenings and so most of the time; he is unable to have dinner with us. Now this decision of dropping the children to the school has helped him because they talk while walking and so the distance appears shorter. His health has improved too”.
Kannama Desigan, a Mumbai-based housewife has fond memories of the time she and her husband Desigan shared responsibilities in dropping the children off to school. Today, both her daughters are settled abroad – one in US and the other in Singapore.
However, for close to a decade, Mr Desigan who was working in Churchgate and stayed in the Western suburbs of Mumbai dropped his children without fail. Okay, so he did not have a travelling job, so it helped. But the time that he spent with his daughters was wonderful as he bonded with them. It is that bonding that makes his daughters call him to their place whenever they need any support from him.
The Desigans chorus, “As parents, we have to take care of our health because that is the gift that we can give to our children. Due to our sound health, we are able to visit our daughters abroad and help them in whichever way we can. We simply love the time that we spend with our grandchildren”.
Health is Wealth!
After his heart ailment that necessitated an angioplasty, Mumbai-based Dharmarajan who retired as Vice President (HR) in a private firm decided to slow down the hectic pace in his
life. A relentless social worker, he started working from home. But unlike other parents who indulge in their passion for food as gourmets, Mr Dharmarajan is very careful with his diet. By practicing pranayama, meditation, moderation in eating habits and keeping himself occupied in a productive activity, Mr Dharmarajan has taken care of his health. “As a parent, I do not wish to trouble my sons who are settled abroad. If I fall ill, more than me, my family suffers the most. What is wrong in taking care of my health?” questions Mr Dharmarajan.
Sacrifice – Thy name is Parenthood!
It is important for new age parents to learn from some of the seniors and appreciate the fact that parenthood is all about making compromises and sacrifices. “What else is there in our life?” questions Dharmarajan. “When children acknowledge your contribution to their success, one feels happy”, says Desigan. Money is important for sustenance but money is not everything in life. However hungry you are you cannot eat money. If you do not have peace of mind, then having all the money in the world is not going to help you.
Parenting is a boon. There are scores of people out there who travel to every temple nook and corner seeking divine intervention to be blessed with a baby. There are people who spend a fortune so that they can become parents (test tube methods, in-vitro fertilisation, and surrogate motherhood). So, if you have become parents, make the most of it ! Enjoy it ! Relish it ! Parenting is not a burden, it is a pleasure…!
There are scores of people out there who have procrastinated having a child due to some reason or the other and finally found out that they can never have one! So, dear parents, enjoy every moment of your life as a parent….as parenthood can be truly blissful and rewarding!
