In Mira Nair’s “Monsoon Wedding” one of the characters recalls the nightmare of having undergone sexual abuse at the hands of her own uncle when she was a young girl. That incident continues to haunt her for a long time. In almost all the cases that are being narrated here, the one thing that is most striking is the vigilance on the part of the parents. In most cases, parents have sprung into action to correct the situation. In some cases, the children are threatened by the offender after having committed the sexual crime. The intention of this article is not to scare any parent. I exhort parents to be more aware of such issues. Let parents realise the need of keeping their eyes and ears open.
Examples
* 2 year old Kamlesh is being pampered silly by the security guard in the building. Kamlesh’s mother is more than happy to let the guard take care of her son for sometime in the evenings. The guard takes the child to the terrace, kisses him and fondles him. So far so good. Having taken the child into confidence by giving him chocolates, the next action of the security guard is to lift the boy up in the air and play catch catch. The 2-year old infant seems to be enjoying this. But hey, what is this man doing? Kamlesh is being subjected to sexual abuse even without his knowledge.
* This incident happened several years ago in Chennai. A working couple had entrusted the task of baby sitting their 3-year old daughter to a trusted maid. On some days, this maid (without informing the couple) delegated this task to her 17-year old wayward son. On a Sunday, when the mother was bathing her child and saw some injuries on her child, she raised the alarm bell and soon the truth came out. The maid’s son was sexually abusing the child.
* Avinash, Class IV, came home every day with chocolates given by one of the boys in the building. This boy, a teenager, lived in the ground floor. Avinash’s mother grew suspicious and one day took Avinash aside and asked him lovingly what the matter was. The innocent boy spilled the beans. This teenager was calling Avinash inside the flat and was abusing him sexually. Eventually, the teenager was forced to mend his ways. But for Avinash’s family, this incident was a big eye opener.
Guidelines
1. As parents, be vigilant at all times.
2. Pay attention to any change in the behaviour of your child – howsoever minor
the issue may be.
3. While you are leaving your child under the care of a trusted person, don’t
believe anyone blindly. Do make enquiries in a casual manner. The baby sitter
will get the message.
4. If someone is taking away your child to play, trust them. At the same time, be
watchful of their actions.
5. If some of the uncles want to bath their nieces, politely say a “No”. There are
intelligent ways of avoiding such delicate situations. You can always say, “Oh,
she is so shy. She only bathes with me”.
6. Please talk to your child every day. However, busy you might me or however
tired you may be after a hard day’s work, never hesitate to cuddle up to your child or talk to him for a few minutes lovingly. This will make the child confident to approach you in case he/she is subjected to such kind of sexual abuse.
7. If such instances are left unattended, they can cause serious repercussions for your child’s future as the psychological impact of such incidents is huge.
8. It is not wrong to approach a child counsellor if the situation is grave and
seek their counsel.
9. You cannot be around your children 24 x 7. But as parents, your instinct will
tell you if something is wrong. So, do not procrastinate investigating these
things.
10. Even if such an incident has occurred, help your children to put it behind
their past and move ahead in life.
11. Talk to your child, comfort him/her and tell them to forget the whole episode
as though it was a bad dream that they had seen.
12. But, isn’t it much better to be proactive in such cases? Prevention is better
than cure!
Beware,
be aware and take care!
